Explaining Myself…So I Need Not Do It Over & Over (Shrink Spiel)

This Blog will Be a repository of all my knowledge, and understanding, to which I can refer to folks, so that I need not repeatedly explain myself, to shrinks and others.  I’m currently trying to unthaw my emotions, a key symptom of trauma, and dissociation.

The following, is my current  shrink  spiel:

Hello; my name is Philip Carpenter, unemployed, thirty-eight years young, possessor of only Medicare/Medicaid for insurance, and I have Adult Developmental/Attachment Trauma symptoms, in the Connection Survival Style or, alternatively, Preoccupied Attachment.   I want to do things, but in the past, I’ve been kicked off three college campuses, two job centers, and just floated through life in fear of panic attacks, and chronic fatigue.

Ideally, I want a NARM-esque, or “somatic-experiencing practitioner” of psychotherapy within the Puget Sound Region, but I’ve not found much, so far, and believe me, I’ve been looking–in the future, I really need to document all the deadends, just to make it easier on the folks like you I call on.  I’ve been in therapy for eleven years, but it was only in the last four, five months I even learned I was coping with trauma.  NARM’s model explains me best, though.

Dealing With Preoccupied (or Anxious) Attachment Trauma

As it says, here:

While many, trapped in anxiety, function excessively in the presence of others (which can be perceived by others as demanding), when alone they may find tasks difficult to complete. Sometimes, in the absence of constant reassurance, they find their motivation dissolved. They may recognize an absence of perceived selfhood when not in the presence of another.

That’s me. I’m currently devoting all my energies to get clinical help, but little on my other goals, given my motivation just tends to wither whenever I focus on fining a job, or something mundane, like that. I actually fear going to a job center, given I fear I’ll just meltdown under stress, and make a scene. I don’t need someone looking over my shoulder, but I do need to know someone is actively helping me, and that moves me to action. As is, most of the time, I think of taking action, and I just get weary.


In moments of interpersonal conflict, many of us switch to younger states. We disconnect from present-day resources, reacting not to partners but to parents. Even with adult partners, we return to perceptions, expectations, and strategies learned at an early age. We become the child in the empty room, feeling ourselves empty until it fills once again. Or we become the child playing in our room, safe, away from the needs or threats of others throughout the house, hoping no one comes to the door.

That’s me.

Yes. I know that my type is liable to strangle those helping me from drowning, but how to get enough help, for one on welfare, and from where? Most of all, I can’t find, or maintain–a routine, and the biggest reason for that lies in the following section:

Curing Emotional Numbness

Still more to the point, and the biggest problem I face, is a trauma symptom of various names, of which I wish had a book focusing on it, especially.  It’s been dubbed apathy, anhehonia, alexithymia, being emotionally numb, emotionally frozen, “flatlining”–dissociated, learned helplessness, and, I’m sure, more.   I just feel zero drive, or passion, but whatever you call it, I’ve never found a whole book on it; mostly, though, I feel unable to express any boundaries, or have them respected.

Look.  I’m trying to find a counselor helping me with this in line with this bookHealing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller, progenito of the NARM style of therapy; of particular importance is Chapter 8, on page 125:  Understanding the Connection Survival Style.  In it, it discusses my trauma tendencies, and also their antidotes, but in particular, it brings up dissociation.  I got so back in 2006-2007, in the cycle described, on pg 131–I sensed threat, had a “high arousal,” a “thwarted fight response,” dissociation, emotional numbing, a lot of acting in-out of aggression, and finally, “diminished aliveness.”

My exact experience is a little atypical, given the shutdown was in my twenties, not as a child, but adult experience of the Connection Survival Style is explained well on page 140.  I want to get better, and here I’m showing my research, as well as a roadmap; shutdown’s not fun, but as this video shows, there is method to dealing with repressed anger, as it starts discussing, around the fifty-minute mark.

All my anger, and frustration, is bound up, basically, in relational difficulties, and that needs to be sorted out, which the book points out, in pages 150-151.  In page 151, there’s a box entitled The Distortions of Healthy Aggression.  Unmet core needs lead to frustration, leading to protest, followed by anger, which in turn becomes “overwhelming,”  leading it to be either acted in or out.

Unlike most adults with the Connection Style, I know I’m angry, and not just a little but very.  Healing for this comes in the form of channeling this anger into “healthy aggression,” which I’m trying to work on, though with little moral or therapeutic help, doing so.

Forgiveness, in context, is rude, because it isn’t an expression of aggression; it will only augment dissociation, do you see?   Any therapist of mine must be prepared to focus primarily on unblocking my feelings, especially my anger, and on that, I won’t swerve.

So, how to go forward?
I am willing to pay outta my own pocket, but a reduced rate is the best I can currently manage. Especially, given I’ve no NARMer near me, I’d like to correspond with one of them, be it via phone, email, or Skype. I need an expert that knows how to help reassociate me with my own emotions, and can particularly honor, and respect–aggression.
Notes on Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller
Page3 :  Core capacities (5)
Page 6:  Emotional dysregulation.
Page 11:  Survivor style und. authority.
Page 12 :  Integrating aggression.
Page 23-24:  Effect. coping with strong emotions.
Page 108:  Depr. & opioids.
Page 118,  par. 4:  Not one event–misattunement.
Page 120-121:  Effects of chr. thr.
Page 128, 130:  Forgotten traumas.
Page 131:  Stages of dissociation.
Page 140 par. 3, final sent.:  Narrow lives.
Page 141 par. 1: Theme relief.
Page 150:  Split-off aggression.
Page 151:  Dist. aggression; healthy aggression.
Page 157: Signs
Page 192:  Int. & ext. resources.
Page 118: Completing fight-flight.
Page 224: Last sentence…?
Page 333:  Feral.
Page 284:  Integrating rage.
List of Reading Articles

Apathy Poster

Enmeshment symptoms


Healing Frozen Feelings


Attachment Trauma:  What Works


Healing Attachment Wounds


Laurence Heller’s Survival Styles


Overcoming Emotional Numbness


Ten Tips For Understanding PTSD


6 Steps to Help Heal Your Inner Child


Is Your Inner Child Angry?


Seven Steps to Heal Your Inner Child


Cannot Walk Away From Bad Relationships

Trauma Impact on Attachment


Understanding Anxious Attachment


Escaping Anxious Attachment


Hiring a Therapist


Understanding Anxious Attachment


John Bradhsaw & Inner Child Work


Understanding Preoccuped Attachment



What Is Your Attachment Style?


Trauma In Attachment Relationships

Jeb Kinnison: Anxious/Preoccupied

Type: Anxious-Preoccupied

Dissociation Isn’t a Life Skill


6 Steps You Can Take To Start Healing From Trauma Right Now


Herman’s Stages of Recovery


Learned Helplessness: You’re Not Trapped


The 10 Essential Emotional Needs


Understanding Child Parts in the Dissociative System


Needs, Wants & Desires:  Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings


Unmet Emotional Needs


Quora: How Do I Overcome My Ineriority Complex?


Shame Tree Poster

Shame:  What to Do About It


On Setting Boundaries


Wikipedia:  Learned Helplessness


How does a person overcome learned helplessness?


How to Help Your Client Beat “Learned Helplessness”


Retaking Control of your Life


How to Regain a Sense of Control of Your Day




The Curse of Apathy: Sources and Solutions



How to Overcome Apathy (If You Can Be Bothered…)


Ten Traits of the Emotionaly Resilient


The Stages of Human Development (Chart)


The Seven Stages of Grief (Chart)

Karla McLaren:  The genius of Apathy


Why a Chip on Your Shoulder Is Mandatory for Your Success



Author: Noitartst

You wanna know about me? Oh, I think, write, and fury. I'd say that about covers it.

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