Notes: Things to Look For in a Trauma Therapist


Hello–my name is Philip Carpenter of Shelton, Washington–unemployed, thirty-eight years young, possessor of only Medicare/Medicaid for ProviderOne insurance, and I have Adult Developmental/Attachment Trauma symptoms, in the Connection Survival Style or, alternatively, Preoccupied Attachment.   I want to do things, but in the past, I’ve been kicked off three college campuses, two job centers, and just floated through life in fear of panic attacks, and chronic fatigue, but I’ve mostly overcome them.

Still more to the point, and the biggest trauma symptom I face holds various names, of which I sincerely wish had a book just focusing on it, especially.  It’s been dubbed apathy,  feeling “shutdown,” anhedonia, being emotionally numb, emotionally frozen, “flatlining”–dissociated, learned helplessness, and, I’m sure, more.   I just feel zero drive, or passion, but whatever you call it, I’ve never found a whole book on it; mostly, though, I feel unable to express any boundaries, let alone have them respected.

As explained elsewhere,  it was  a long journey to get here, but what concerns me more is moving on from it.  But to do that, we must first describe what has already been tried, friend therapist, and that is much, but above all, I have been asked by your predecessors to “forgive,”  and therein is a problem to that–a big problem.

After having discussed my anger with over a dozen therapists, I’ve come to recognize patterns, and above all, I’ve found myself insulted for wanting to care about my family, and hold my mother, in particular, accountable.  I’ve been dubbed bitter, unforgiving, and, most demeaning, “small-minded.”

I’m very sensitive to guilt, but I’ve been trying to convince my mother she’s wrong, as well as getting angry to an unresolved fight/flight cycle, which, being never completed, has led to a third state–freeze.  To un-freeze, per the lit, and the notes from the that book by Dr. Heller at the bottom of this article, is to complete the aggression cycle–not via “mercy.”

Basically, I’m tired of confronting my mother on my own, and anticipate your active help in making my case–if she resists, I expect you to pass judgment on my mother, and on her willingness to listen–like me.  As long as you’re not making it BLAME CLEAR I hold good reason to be angry, I’ll find it hard to trust you–full stop.

I’m trying to convince my mother she’s wrong–and you, my therapist, are going to help me do just that.  One of the key things your predecessors have done wrong, friend therapist, is try to validate my feelings, outside the REASONS for them, as if they could be divided.

She may yet reject us, but that is okay–her unjust resistance–and faulty reasoning–shall be rebuked.  I’ll need to grieve the rejection, but to do so, I expect support–loneliness is tiring.

As is, the only emotional support I’ve got is the online Non Violent Communication community, but they’re passive, not active.  Beyond that, to actively aid me, as seems to be needed, there are legal hurdles preventing counselors and therapists from contacting others on behalf of their clients–but to further  trust–and to further healing–we need to find a way around.  I don’t know what they’d entail, maybe mediators, or something–but I need to feel helped, and not isolated, like I currently do.

Per the literature, I don’t feel anything because to do so might threaten my key relationships, but once I feel comfortable, again, I’ll start to express them, naturally, and that makes sense.


I should also be expressing what I’m willing to reciprocate with, if you cooperate.  I’m prepared to make phone calls, and be rejected, contacting others, asking for aid ‘n assistance.  How many do you want me to make, on my own, for your need to see that I’m not asking you to do my work, but instead, scaffold?  Name your numbah.


It’s okay to disagree with me, but if so, then you’re fighting logic and conclusions, as well as my reasons for anger.  If so, you’re trying to convince my reasoning is mistaken, and if you’re doing that, then be direct–we’re fighting over truth and where it lies–I care immensely.

Book Related to This Topic:

Scattered by Gabor Mate, 1st US Edition

Pg. 8-9:

Pg. 10:

Pg. 15-16:

Pg. 18, par.2:

Pg. 100:  Making bad decisions just to get by.

Pg. 122: Self-regulation.

Pg. 123 last part of first par.: Difficulty regulating.

Pg. 126:  Attachment promotes attention, anxiety undermines.

Pg. 127:  Focused on relat. but it’s not und.

Pg. 150:  Cycle of escal. ejection.

Pg. 158:  My family’s making me work at re-establishing cont.

Pg. 160:  Can’t regulate.

Pg. 164:  Pres. from present that cannot reg.

Pg. 166-167:  Feeling resp. for mom’s states.

Pg. 168-169:  Da whole family system.

Pg. 180-181:  Hearing what he’s really saying.

Pg. 185:  Counterwill.

Read all of Chapter 20.

Pg. 204, par. 3:  Guided by others’ opinions, lack of will.

Pg. 207, par. 1: Don’t blur boundaries.

Pg. 222, par. 1:  Control despair

Pg. 223, par. 2:  The cause of all trouble.

Pg. 229-231:  Read on Angus, Mom.

Pg. 235:  Guilt.

Pg. 242:  False self.

Pg. 248-249:  Empathy vs. identification.

Pg. 252:  We don’t feel like adults.

Pg. 261, par. 2:  Negated existence.

Pg. 263, par. 1:  Def. detachment.

Pg. 279:  The “sorting-out process.”

Born to Rebel:  Birth Order

Waking the Tiger

Facebook Contacts:  Ray Taylor, Patrick Schwarz

Key Facebook Post, Articulating what I seek:




What I’ve already tried. forgiveness

Why don’t you ask me if your counsel is like your predecessors? Don’t repeat them!

Don’t judge my motives.

What I’ve not done before…

Many different therapists

Help me complete the fight-flight response.

You can’t validate my feelings, without my logic–you simply cannot.

Actively help me engage my mother.

Legal issues on contact family members on behalf of therapists.

Direct help confronting.

Key Un-thawing Articles

Healing Developmental Trauma

Nice Youtube Video, starts in around the fifty-minute mark, on anger for about twenty, thirty minutes.  Great stuff.

An Anhedonia Thread From the Depression Forums

General information about it.

A cracker-jack piece, broviding genuine insight, into the condition.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Healing Frozen Feelings & Blocked Emotions

Notes on Attachment, Trauma, & Healing by Levy & Orlans
Page 73/74:  ent./int.
Page 81:  Expect me to ask questions
When I maintain full rejection of my needs, I’m rejected.
Page 93 core beliefs defined by reg.
Page 128: contr. is surv.
Page 147: power struggle
Page 148: Sans trust
Page 149:  Gorging
Page 153:  Cognitive function
Page 158:  Phys. symptoms
Page 168: PACE
Page 170: Scaffolding”
Page 175:  par. 1: Treatment fail
Page 177: Par. 2
Page 180: Contracts
Page 187:  “Anxiously”
Page 188: Hope
Page 230:  Redef. post reenact.
Page 231-232:  To forget
Page 260:  Preocc. def.
Page 315 par. 3:  Hope.
Page 325:  Resp. for nec. treatment
Page 332:  Belonging
Page 343:  Love’s an experience!
Page 334:  PTSD trauma symptoms.
Page 357 par. 2:  Love means little if yu cannot receive it!

Notes on Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller & Aline LaPierre

Page 3 :  Core capacities (5)
Page 6:  Emotional dysregulation.
Page 11:  Survivor style und. authority.
Page 12 :  Integrating aggression.
Page 23-24:  Effect. coping with strong emotions.
Page 108:  Depr. & opioids.
Page 118,  par. 4:  Not one event–misattunement.
Page 120-121:  Effects of chr. thr.
Page 128, 130:  Forgotten traumas.
Page 131:  Stages of dissociation.
Page 140 par. 3, final sent.:  Narrow lives.
Page 141 par. 1: Theme relief.
Page 150:  Split-off aggression.
Page 151:  Dist. aggression; healthy aggression.
Page 157: Signs
Page 192:  Int. & ext. resources.
Page 118: Completing fight-flight.
Page 224: Last sentence…?
Page 333:  Feral.
Page 284:  Integrating rage.

Notes on Why Therapy Works by Louis Cozolino

Page 37-38:
Page 91:  Apoptosis
Page 92:   Reattunement.
Page 98:  Endorphin release.
Page 100:  I don’t feel heard, ‘n felt…
Page 111:  The purpose of therapy.
Page 126, last paragraph:  Client-therapist dynamic.
Page 127:  Face fears.
Page 146:  Aspirational alphas.
Page 153 par. 2:  Beta programming.
Page 156, Chapter 10:  Becoming Alpha
Page 160: Winston Chrurchill on “greatness.”
Page 168:  Therapists and Anger
Page 169, paragraph 1:  Crux of the issue.
Page 169-171:  Machine gun technique.
Page 172-176:  Sandy–a case study.
Page 189-190:  Learning & chart.
Page 200, par. 2: Social fragmentation
Page 200-201:  Four key trauma symptoms.
Page 212-215:  EMDR
Page 222:  As secure attachment with the therapist is necessary.
Page 256:  Beat pain via anger & vulnerability.
Page 256-257:  Pain & numbing.

Key Facebook Correspondence:

Someone gives true understanding!


Good YouTube Video:

I totally agree on focusing what I can can control, and I can actually control quite a lot, per Scripture…

The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James & Russell Friedman

Pg. 8-9:  Loss of support.

Pg. 9-10: Incomplete grief.

Pg. 64:  I want things different.

Pg. 138:  Forgive v. condone.

Pg. 150:  I’m sorry we can’t agree on how to resolve this.

Relevant Facebook Posts:



Author: Noitartst

You wanna know about me? Oh, I think, write, and fury. I'd say that about covers it.

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