Well, ladies and germs, this is my attempt to communicate to my mother, and if you don’t like it, then please grant me suggestions on how to revise it. I’m trying to convince her to come to therapy, and this is me doing the best I know to convince her.
Mom, I’m again asking you to come to therapy, and I don’t know how else to do it. Could you please help me do that? We need help communicating, and I don’t anymore believe in you. I want to see that there’s way forward, but I just don’t see it!
We need to each be owning our parts of the relationship, and I want to do that; you may not trust me, mom, but do I trust you? No I don’t! Instead, let’s work on our mutual trust issues, together.
Look. At the very least, it would make me happy, and it doesn’t need be as far ar Vashon, but I am serious.
Didn’t say much there, did I? It was an effort. Four paragraphs, counselor. Wite ’em down, and I’ll read ’em to her. I want to see your effort helping me, and not critiquing me!
For the record, here is an old attempt, an old email, that failed to connect:
Benchmarks. I want benchmarks, Mom. Show you’re committed to keeping your word, and following through, at discomfort to yourself, if necessary. You BETRAYED me in the past–you made commitments, specifically to enforce against “shut up” and you never did, not once, per as I recall.
If you really wish to earn my trust, you need to prove you’d not betray me like you did, via your abashed, sloppy–negligence–that, or explain why my logic is incorrect. You have yet to acknowledge that what you did then was utterly contemptible, and shameful.
The principle is keeping your word. You can’t accept that you didn’t, and that is the issue. You raised me on the understanding that once a book was on the books you enforce it, and to this day, you’re in denial. You’ve never apologized, never taken responsibility, recognizing that by making rules, that was a two-way street, I don’t see any reason not to .
You say that you love God, but by denying I’m right you despise him, making yourself a hypocrite. You complain about my anger towards God, but by denying me, you deny Him, so stop whining; your rules box yourself in, so admit it.
I’m not evil, but if I am, why resist? You had full options opof modifying or rescinding your rules, but chose NOT to; left them on the books for several years, and I must’ve brought up Chris what, forty fifty times.
The issue for me is principle, not revenge, and if it is for you, then I cite to you Christ’s command, about not resisting him who is evil.
For me, it is about respecting me simply because I am right, and that reason alone. I am your friend, mom, and for that reason alone, I intend to beat you over the head with your duties, at least until you acknowledge they’re real.
Mom, the Bible calls for mutual submissiion, yes? well, if so, you’ve certainly not submitted to either me, or it. You’ve NEVER tried to convince me that my logic is wrong, just TOLD me, and I simply don’t respect anything so sloppy.
If you’re to truly earn my trust, we’ll need a theologian involved, because I simply think you real worm. If you were serious about Scripture, you’d have handled it differently, and recognized, that I genuinely think you to be a hypocrite in how you handled this.
Every time you complain about my spiritual attitude, you remind me what a dog you are, really. I’m not making this up! I can’t BELIEVE just how cavalier you are, about TRUTH, and I MEAN it!
So? Let me recap: To restore fellowship, repent of your deriliction of duty, and set up measurable benchmarks of your good intentions to NEVER again repeat such behavior. The principle is EVERYTHING to me!
It’s either that, or repent of raising me to take the Bible seriously.
The attunement/abuse game…
I’ve been coping with miss-attunement since childhood…
Roleplaying: Heart & loneliness.
My mother’s a hypocrite–agree…?
I keep signaling I’m willing to risk rejection…
Fight hyperarousal with biofeedback.
Shrinks must handle my rage.
Expect I not that my mother shall listen…